P.S.

I forgot to mention that the scary guard at the orphanage was fired! Mary and Sergei found out about what happened to me and they took care of things. It's terrible that it had to happen, but I feel so much better now. I was so scared to go to and from the orphanage every day when I knew he might be there. Thank you Mary and Sergei!!

Miscellaneous

I have a friend at the orphanage! Her name is Sveta and she is in her early 20s. She speaks a tiny bit of English and loves being with me because her dream is to be a translator some day in an English speaking country. She is the only occupational therapist the orphanage has and is in charge of teaching the kids to walk and all that good stuff. She'll take kids outside with me when she's not busy and she even translates for me if she can understand what I'm saying. She has made life a lot nicer there. She peppers me with questions about America. She says she wants to live in a real house, not an apartment (there are thousands and thousands of nasty apartments here that are the norm. They are absolutely appalling. People should not have to even set foot in them, yet that's where almost everyone lives.), and has me describe mountains and the country in general. She says it's amazing how America does not have orphanages like Russia and was fascinated with the foster system. "The children get to live with a family? In a house? With a mother and father?" etc. She hates the orphanages I think. She is like a little animal who seems to be everywhere all the time and is always helping the kids. She'll tell me "this is the first time so and so has ever walked." Of course she does not have time to work with all 150 children so I don't know how she doesn't get discouraged.
After we worked at the orphanage Maria, Nastia and I used to go to an adult internat (orphanage) where Julia, a graduate from our orphanage was taken when she turned 18. I was teaching her how to play the recorder (she was a very quick learner) and Maria would paint with her. One day we went there with a great couple from Canada, Mira and Anthony, (hello! I know you'll be reading this :-) and they had the great idea to take her out for a walk since Anthony could lift her and take her down the stairs since again there was no ramp!! It was her first time out of bed, I think, since the orphanage, but before we had made one turn around the building a bunch of security and doctors came to us and started to speak angrily with Nastia in Russian. They escorted us back, had us put Julia in her bed and made us leave. Nastia told us that foreigners are not allowed in unless they have the proper documentation or something, and they were mad because Anthony had a camera. These internats are very closed and secret institutions. They do not want the outside world to know how things are. Nastia talked with the director later and said under no circumstances could Maria and I ever set foot in there again.
In the midst of all this sad stuff something good happened I think! Today was a national holiday - a day of mourning for when WWII started. The orphanage was having a ceremony for a few kids who could "go" (mobile) outside and Sveta asked if I would play a sad piece on the violin. All the workers that day were there (there are different workers every day. I think they work every three days or something confusing) and they loved my music! Everybody always loves music! I went to a group after that with a mean caretaker who hates me and she actually let me take one of the kids for a recorder lesson. It's been such a lesson for me here about the international language of music. If I'm having a hard time having the workers allow me to take kids I just play music in their group while Maria plays with the kids and usually I have the workers smiling and they are much nicer in no time. This doesn't always work, of course, but for the most part it has proved most beneficial.

Christina again

I love Christina so much. I think she loves me too. Two days ago I took her outside for a walk. It took three days to get permission to do this even though the only thing wrong with her is something with her spine that makes her unable "to go" (walk or use a wheelchair). I was told it was her first time outside in her entire life except for when she was born and taken to the baby house, and a year ago when she came to the orphanage (she's five). I strolled her around and around and she loved it! After a while the sun was bothering her because she wasn't used to it being in her eyes so I took her inside again. It's hard because she's surprisingly normal-sized for a five year old. I had to carry her up two floors because there are no ramps. They've been building an elevator for a year now.
Since her spine has a problem she was kept in a high chair that leaned back. She hated it and would always grab onto the tray and swing herself up so she was almost sitting up. She never left this chair except to lay in her bed. The hair on the back of her head (that is, what hair she does have since she has to have short hair) is all rubbed off because she's always on it. She loves biting but the doctor has not okayed her to have solid food so she is fed soup by the spoonful. She gets the greatest pleasure out of dumping the bowl of soup while she's being fed. I have been helping her learn how to hold the cup by herself with the syrupy stuff they're fed after they eat their soup. Speaking of that, I have never seen the kids drink water. It's possible that they do, just not when I've been there, but... They are spooned this syrup juice that makes them constipated. Most of them are fed pills that fix it. It's like they're creating a problem and giving a solution that gives another problem and so forth. It just doesn't seem right.
The day after I took her outside I went back to her group but couldn't find her! When I asked about her they said a lot of stuff in Russian and I still had no idea where she was. Maria found her in another group but they wouldn't let Maria in. I went there the next day and she was in a crib. She's been in her crib each time I've gone in there. I think the high chair is even better than that. She has a lot of energy and when she's cooped up she has to let it out somehow. She bangs her head as hard as she can with her fists. She also wants to chew (for some reason her teeth haven't rotted yet), but she is given nothing to chew so she bites her arms until they bleed. I try so hard to get her to stop because I know they'll tie up her arms if she does it much longer, but she won't stop! She gets attention when she does it so I think she likes doing it more! Today I held her for an hour even though the caretakers tried to make me put her to bed. I gave her a plastic case to chew on and she actually chewed on that instead of her arms!! A caretaker came and took it away, though. I was VERY mad. Whenever I'd try to lay her down she would start banging her head so hard again. If I held her she would smile and laugh. They don't like her to laugh when it's naptime so I had to try to make her stop laughing. It was terrible. When I eventually put her down she cried so hard, bit her arms, banged her head etc. trying to get me to pick her back up, but I couldn't. It was heart wrenching.
I wish it was possible to adopt her. I don't know how adoption works there. I'm not sure if it's even possible. She has parents who come to see her every couple years. Her mother is supposedly very beautiful which explains why Christina is so cute. I bought her teething rings that she can chew on and will bring them to her next time. Hopefully they won't be taken away!! I want to give her crackers so badly because she has been throwing up her soup and I know she'd love to chew on something and get food at the same time! What a concept! Who would ever guess that chewing would be too much to ask? The caretakers are extra careful because they get in trouble if anything happens to the children like choking etc I believe. The doctor would have to examine Christina and okay if she can be given a cracker. I will see what I can do but I think it may be too much to ask.

Yes, she effectively scared us!!

Well, this is mom. After careful consideration I decided not to correct Hope's minor mispellings; I think it defines "the moment" because it's so unlike her and obviously she's experiencing a different realm of consciousness. I hope I spelled all that right! We miss having Hope home to correct us (yes, I know Hope, it's "I hoped I spelled all that correctly!", to see how much she could pack into one day and miss her so much! We did get quite misty eyed reading her blogs and know how hard it will be for her to leave. If any of you would still like to help her reach her goal (on Diema's Dream Foundation it was said that 3-4K, only, it was they were able to send one of these kids to US to have the surgeries (donated) to fix "club foot" so that they would not have to stay in state institutions and someday have jobs and live "normal" lives. Hope was a bit bogged down with everything until the last few days but we put together a quick fundraising effort and have raised $2,200 thus far. If you feel you would like to contribute please just email me at lanctot@quixnet.net for details and tax id # so it can be a deduction to you and a blessing, like no other, that she can leave (so that she WILL leave) knowing she couldn't fix everything but at least left one permanent change in someone's life.Kara

Stories to scare our parents ;-)

I have only had 2 bad experiences with guys. One was with a young guard at the orphanage. He adamently refused to let me through the gate to leave (Nastia and Maria were a block away and I had run back to get something). He wanted to be my boyfriend and said he loved me many times in both Russian and English. He insisted I say it to him but I refused. I kept trying to get by him and said bood-bye numerous times but he stood in the doorway and wouldn't let me through. Another guard was there and I asked for help but he just stood there smoking and watching. The young one said to me in English "It is a big city. I can take care of you." He also swanted to kiss me "face to face" he said many times. I don't know how I finally got through. I got pretty angry and mean though.

The 2nd time was coming back from a church activity. Maria and I were just outside our apartment building when a yucky-looking man walked past us then turned around. He started shouting after us (I know because I know enough Russian to understand some of what he was saying). We stayed quiet so he souldn't know we were foreign, walked faster, and kept our eyes on the ground. He started following us and talking then side-stepped us and got right up in my face. I had to stop but Maria got away. A young guy saw what was happening and started chasing the guy. The yucky man ran away and we thanked the young man in Russian, then we ran all the way to our apartment room.

We told Nastia what happened and she said she will not let us out of her sight until she personally puts us on the airplane. She said she has lived in Moscow for years and nothing like these two things have ever happened. I don't think it's because we're foreign because we fit in quite well (except we don't dress quite so scandalously) and people always think we're Russian.

Oh, and I forgot about the time Maria and I went for a walk and a guy started talking to us and following us. Nothing exciting happened, though, so there's nothing more to tell.

Don't take these too seriously and don't worry! We will be fine - there just have to be lots of adventures so we have stories to tell and amuse. And on that note, I will indulge you by telling you have I flea bites all over me. I think they are in our beds because of the animals. :-(((

Daily Life

Every day Maria and I leave for the orphanage at 8:20 a.m. and arrive about 9:30. We take the metro and buses to get there. Even though our apartment and the orphanage are in the same part of Moscow it takes that long!I have never been so thankful for a car and streets where you can actually drive instead of being in standstill traffic.

When we get there some of the groups are usually outside. There are eight fenced-in yards outside of the orphanage. The 150 children there are divided up into groups. Eight are capable of walking or have some motor capabilities, and four groups which lie in beds or sit and watch TV the entire time.

Once I get to the orphanage I go to the groups that just sit and watch TV and play my violin or recorder for them. The caretakers move them all so they can see me and they watch me with such rapt attention you'd think it was the neatest thing they'd seen. Many of the children who usually always cry or scream are silent while I play. As soon as I stop they cry again. I've heard a few try to sing with me. One day I was playing I noticed the most intriguing thing. One of the children who the caregivers say "has no brain" was expressing my music through her body. I watched her the entire 30 minutes I was playing in her group. When I play soft and slow she would relax and move her hands gently; when I played loud or fast she would kick her legs and bob her upper body. Her eyes never left me. Later that day I inquired about her and was told her name is Christina. The only thing I can find wrong with her is her head is slightly larger than it should be because liquid got in her brain before a shunt was put in. I wonder if they ever put a shunt in. There's one girl who never had one put in. Her head is about as large as a small watermellon, but when I rub her or talk to her she gives me the biggest smiles.

Back to Christina: Since she's in the non-mobile group she spends her life in a crib or her high chair thing that that lays back so she has to back muscles. Today I fed her lunch because I wanted to get to know her better. She is the smartest little girl. She kept trying to get out of her chair so I took her out and held her. I must have spent an hour with her and by the time I was done she could sit up straight on my lap by herself if she held onto my shirt. She loved playing games like patty cake and copying noises I made with my mouth. She laughed so much and must have been exhausted when I put her to bed because I doubt she's ever got that much attention. As I was leaving that group's bedroom I saw another intriguing child. I had noticed him before. H elooks like he's barely 1 year old but I'm told he's 3 or 4. He has Dowjn Syndrome and has been in his crib every time I've been in that gorup. Whenever I walk by he puts his arms up to be held. Today I had time to pick him up and he clung to me like he would never let go. He buried his head in my neck and would not be moved. He's the sweetest little boy.

There are two more children that really tood out to me today. Both of them are girls and have long hair. All the kids' hair is buzzed unless they have paretns who take them on weekends and care for their hair. THe 1st girl, Olia, is 13 and could be a model. She's absolutely beautiful. SHe has Autism, but the 1st time I saw her I thought she was blind because she came up to my face and touched it for the longest time. I asked about her the next day when I saw her tied to a chair (they tie up the arms of children who hurt themselves, or tie them to their crib if they try to get out etc.). I was told at first she seems nice but then she'll bit or punch. I figured I could handle that so I approched her. She stared at me for a long time with her dark gorgeous eyes. I played the recorder for her and let her look through the music book I brought. I was about to give her a recorder but Nastia said tnot to because she wouldn't be able to play it. After she left I gave Olia the recorder anyway. She blew into it and then quicker than I could think whacked me so hard in the face. Her expression never changed. After making sure my nose wasn't broken I took her hands and rubbed them on my face. I let her do this for a while and she never hurt me.

The other girl is probably 6. She has bright red hair and can't speak (that's the only thing I can find "wrong" with her). Her parents also take her on weekends so she has long beautiful hair, but I feel bad because all hte boys in her group pull it and hurt her. Every time I come to get children for recordre lessons she always makes motions for her to come. I hadn't because there are just so many children I'm trying to help but today she looked so sad. I motioned for her to come and I don't believe I've seen anyone happier. I tried teaching her how to skip and we raced inside. I got the recorders out but hard as she tried she could not blow. She looked so helpless shrugging her shoulders trying to show that she could not get a sound. I 've found that with a lot of kids. THey don't know how to blow and we spend all the lessons practicing blowing and then blowing into the recorder. It's a big step. I really wanted her to have a way to express herself since she can't talk so I brought her to the piano (which, by the way, should not even be called a piano because it's so bad). WE spent hte next half hour having a jam session. I played the violin and recorder and she banged on the piano, clapped her hands, banged her feet or made any other noise she could make. She absolutely refused to go to lunch and I couldn't get her to leave until Nastia came and tease/pulled/dragged her there. She is the cutest little girl and I don't know how her parents could let her live at the orphanage most of the time. I fixed her hair since the boys messed it up and put oin her hankerchef agian (all the little girls in Russia wear things on their heads when they play outside to keep the sun from making them hot or something). I will have more about the orphanage later.

I'm sorry about all the typos. I am typing this as fast as I can and don't have time to go back. Mommy, if you see anything really unrecognizable will you please fix it??

Boris

There's a little baby I met at the orphanage that made me cry. He is in one of the groups where the children stay in their beds all day (some tied up so they don't hurt themselves). I went in there to help feed and then I saw him. At first I thought he was a girl because of how fragile and delicate he is. His skin is almost see-through white and his arms about 3 fingers in thickness. I was rubbing the children because they like it so much when I came to him. He has the biggest eyes you have ever seen with lashes so long they touch his skin when his eyes are closed. He is the prettiest baby. I started rubbing him and he grabbed my finger and held it. His body is so deformed. I felt his ribcage and it does not separate in front - I think it's all one mass of bone. His nose is slightly deformed and has a cleft lip, but if you saw him you'd think he was an angel. I asked Nastia about him later and she said he's 8 years old. I usually can tell the age of children by the length of their legs or how decayed their teeth are. I had not noticed with Boris because he has no teeth and his legs are all mangled. When he was holding my finger he looked into my eyes adn gave me the biggest smile you've ever seen. That's when I started crying. I went back the next day to see him but the caretaker did not like me there because I could bring infections and all the children in there are so weak. I will try to gain their trust so they might let me hold him. Nastia said once she took him outside but his nose started pouring blood and he felt so bad. I wish there was something I could do for him. I went back later and was told he was at the hospital. Nastia says he has to go there about twice a month. I will try again tomorrow and see if I can find him.

1st days

Well, this is Hope's mom again. I have had limited communication with Hope but was so grateful that Mary Dudley allowed both girls to call home on her cell phone when she arrived. Rather than paraphrase this is from Mary:
She said they were doing great and that Nastia (a young volunteer who offered to host Hope and Maria) has been just super. They had just finished visiting Julia (18 yrs old) who had to move from the orphanage and is now at a home for the elderly which does not have a lift or elevators. Julia is in a wheel chair. She will be the first former child from the orphanage to move to the village. Julia called Sergei while we were in the car and he put her on the speakerphone. She said that Hope and Maria were really nice girls and that Hope gave her a beautiful concert and several of the babushka's (grandmothers) came in to listen also!

I know they went to a clinic to get their blood work done. They have to be tested for AIDS, among other things in order to be allowed to help in the orphanage for a prolonged period. Their results are ready tomorrow morning so that will be their 1st official day. I will see them on Saturday or Sunday as I am taking a visitor to the zoo and want to take one of the children in the orphanage so I invited Hope and Maria to come along. Next week-end I am going to take them to an outdoor market where they can buy some souvenirs and other things if they want. I also plan to have them come into the city and will take them out for a meal. After the Russian food at the orphanage and at Nastia's they just might need a more American/European meal.

Well, all for now but I will write as I have news of them and we hopefully will find internet access for them soon!
Mary
Well, that's all for now. I'm sure they are both doing great.

Well... Hope and her friend, Maria, left OKC early Monday morning extremely well prepared and put together. I, (her mother), was amazed because she had just finished a demanding Spring semester, a double full-time Summer interim, an important piano concert from winning the OK MTNA, attended a very long play for her little sisters and a billion other things all within 48 hours of leaving. After a very eventful series of flights (don't even ask... but we won't be flying with British Airways again in the future) she arrived early Wednesday morning (instead of Tues pm) and was very well received by Mary Dudley and their wonderful Sergei (at 5am!!). I expect her to have email access so she may be able to post and add pictures during their stay in Russia. She is more than halfway to her goal of raising the funds to send one of these children to US to have the surgeries necessary to correct club feet (